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A woman has expressed her turmoil over her 20-year relationship, admitting her struggle with submission and fidelity.
“I was interested to read a serially unfaithful husband writing in this newspaper about how a lack of sexual attention from his wife since their children came along keeps pushing him into the arms of other women.
“He complained that raising kids is dull; that the necessary household chores he dutifully undertakes are only tolerable if he gets to enjoy a satisfying sex life. His wife, who he said takes no notice of him, isn’t delivering between the sheets. She’s to blame, he claimed, each time he goes looking for passion elsewhere.
Only a man could turn his own selfish acts of betrayal into the fault of the people who would be most hurt if they came to light — in this case, his family.
“My first thought was: ‘Women have affairs too, you know.
“My second is that I hope his wife is so distracted by her own lover that she can’t be bothered to show any concern over what her husband might be getting up to.
“After all, she probably needs a bit of excitement to take the edge off having to unload the dishwasher for the umpteenth time, too.
I take full responsibility for my own indiscretions. I enjoy the sex life I share with my husband — we make love once most weeks, which is enough to nurture a sense of intimacy. If my similarly aged friends are anything to go by — Andrew, who’s an electrician, and I are both 44 — that’s more than most. We’re also emotionally close.
“But even if our marriage was distant and sexless, it still wouldn’t be his fault that I stray. It’s a choice I make despite knowing that if he or Abigail, 18, were ever to find out, it would break their hearts. I feel guilty, but not enough to stop.
But even if our marriage was distant and sexless, it still wouldn’t be his fault that I stray. It’s a choice I make despite knowing that if he or Abigail, 18, were ever to find out, it would break their hearts. I feel guilty, but not enough to stop.
“I sleep with other men purely for the frisson of excitement it injects into an otherwise ordinary, and perfectly tolerable, life. Whenever Simon tells me he needs me, I know lost laundry is the last thing on his mind.
“I don’t ever want to leave Andrew — but I find the idea of only ever sleeping with him for the rest of my life utterly depressing. I feel guilty, but, again, not enough to stop.
